Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Your cock deserves a montage
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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