I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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