He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
