I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
