You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I want to fling myself into the sun
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
