When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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