i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
