Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
