Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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