dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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