Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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