she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
