There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
