i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
