I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
