I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
