There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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