Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
