You're my little dorito
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
