I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
