Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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