Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
