dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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