I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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