I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
