Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
