How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
