seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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