Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she peed on how many people?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
