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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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