First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
