if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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