You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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