Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
