I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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