My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
