Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
