JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
