i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
