So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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