oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he was CRYING into my vagina
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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