I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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