she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
