So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
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I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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