he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
