i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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