its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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