tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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