i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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