So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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