i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
