he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
