you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Farmville is her only friend.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
