The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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