How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
