Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I intend to get homeless drunk
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
