you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
