Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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