At least make sure they are 18
Why
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
