Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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