I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
