You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
