every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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