if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
