Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
