i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
