Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
