textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
