My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I supernannyed him into submission
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
