He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
