i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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