i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
