I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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