He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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