he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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