member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
