Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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