He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
