My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
