i jhust puked up my retainher.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
