I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
