there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
